“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and two scoops of dead baby.

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Why did the boy fall of his BMX? Because someone threw a dish-washer at him.

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What's a Democrat's favorite activity? Blaming Republicans for shit they didn't do.

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Why do black people like chicken? Because it's tasty, nutritious and easy to cook.

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salad days!

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Q: What does a baby look like in a microwave? A: I don't know, I don't masturbate with my eyes open.

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your mum

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Roses are red, Violets are too. I'm colour blind, It's a very depressing infliction.

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What do you call a black flying an airplane? A pilot you racist bastard.

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Why do bears go to school on Sunday's? They don't, bears don't go to school.

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A dyslexic walks into church and asks the priest. "Father is there a dog."

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How did the Mexican get across the boarder? He applied for a student visa. He was a promising young scholar who had no trouble being accepted to a prestigious college.

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What do a worm and a human have in common? They both have arms and legs apart from the worm

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DAVE : did you hear the one about the poster? MICHAEL: what?

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A amazing I idiots D discover S sex

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A vulture gets on a transatlantic flight with a dead animal in each claw. The flight attendant stops him, and says "I'm sorry, sir, only one piece of carrion per passenger allowed"

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There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

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Your mom's so fat... she probably needs to go on some sort of diet to avoid a serious heart condition and inevetible death

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Why wasn't the black kid allowed in the school? Because it was the Southern United States in the 1930s and due to racial tensions at the time most public facilities were seperated by race.

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What happened when the man crossed the road? He lived happily ever after because he looked both ways for traffic.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was in a van headed to the slaughterhouse.

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Knock, Knock Who's there Cluck Cluck who? Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck - proceed to bob head and flap wings - cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops