Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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What did the angry man with tourette syndrome say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? Ouch.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

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A Blond and a Brunette are falling down to their deaths, which one hits the ground first? Does it matter? They both die anyway.

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POOP.....People Order Our Patties

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A man in a state penitentiary drops his soap. He then picks it up and continues his shower.

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Horse.

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Why did the KFC worker dislike his job? He was paid lower than minumum wage due to the plummeting economy.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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A blonde was taking a Math exam, so she brought her Asian boyfriend with her. It turns out they were going to his father's retirement party afterwards.

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What did the black man buy at the store? Nothing he has no money

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How do you get four gay men on one stool? You get three more stools.

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What do you call a black man who works in a ice-cream truck? A Ice-Creem Man

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How did the hillbilly fix his PC? He brought it to Wal-Mart and got a diagnostics from an expert then installed anti virus software.

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a man checks his mypsace

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whats got two legs and cant walk a paraplegic

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay guys house Knock Knock Who's there? The chicken

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roses are red violets are blue flowers come in many colors

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a man was hired for a job. he made a lot of money and was able to support his family.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have said two factual statements.

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Q:What do you call a wizard who flies? A: A flying wizard.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street..........pepper.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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