Yo momma's so fat that when she died of congestive heart failure, your family had to pay extra for a larger coffin to bury her in.

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Why was it really gross when the blonde dove into the swimming pool? Because the swimming pool was full of phlegm!

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wat do u call a person who is ugly ugly

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A mother is sitting with her son at the park. A nearby man suddenly breaks into uncontrollable coughing. The mother leans over to her son and whispers, 'Smoker's cough.' The son never takes up smoking.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Even though I can't tell Because I am color blind

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Eddie Murphy's recent film career.

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roses r nice violet are fine all be the 6 and you be 9

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Roses are gray, violets are gray. I am a dog.

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Two tomatoes where crossing the road, when one of them barely avoided being run over. The other said, come on tomato!

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Q: Why was the black guy afraid of the chainsaw A: It was cutting his arm off

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Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the momeraths outgrabe

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What should you never give to your friends as a wedding present? An old plastic bag full of rubbish.

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What do you get when a man farts then a giraffe digests the gas and then poops into the mouth of a rabid baby raccoon? A raisin coated in corn flakes with digestive fluid sauce.

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An elderly lady walks into a grocery store, and nothing of a great significance happens.

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a white guy, a black guy, and a latino guy all walk into a bar. The white man explains how his family is in turmoil because of his alcholism, the black guy shares his affection for crack, and the latino man explains why he shouldnt be here due to illegal immigration. They all hate their lives. Quack

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Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Micheal Jackson molests little boys.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I

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How did the polack burn his hands on the stove? He placed his hands on the hot stove top burners not realizing they were hot.

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How do you starve a black man? You deny his foodstamps ~Katie&Lena&Shelbey(:

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This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

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How can you tell your not italian? You aint no Guito!

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What did the fat man say when he saw the giant twinky on the billboard? I wish that twinky was real, because I am too poor to pay my bills, am getting audited, and cannot feed my four children on minimum wage.

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Why did the boy fail his test? Because he got shot before he could even study.

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A priest, a rabbi and a shaman walk into a bar. Except there is no rabbi and there is no shaman and the bar is actually my 8th birthday party priest is molesting me. And the priest is my dad. My dad molested me. A lot...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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