Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Q: What's a fish store with no fish? A: A water store.

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mitt romney

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All work and no play makes Johnny successful in his field of interest.

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A dyslexic man sells his soul to Santa.

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Roses are red, violets are blue Vodka is cheaper that dinner for two.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was food there.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Except, technically, violets are violet.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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what do you call a black guy on steroids? a black guy on steroids

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What do you call a mix between a beaver and a mammal? You can't mix beavers and mammals, and even if I had said a platypus that would not have been funny.

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Four guys walk into a bar. They buy their drinks and stay for a couple of hours. After they are done they get a cab ride home. It was a lovely night.

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Why did the boy pick up the baseball? He wanted to play baseball.

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Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live one at the bottom.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing

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What's black and white and red all over? A Giant Panda that has been killed by poachers.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The farmer dragged him.

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. Just kidding. He's paralyzed

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Once upon a time there was beautiful princess, ONCE!

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Somebody elses cheese.

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What do you call a man that was decapitated by a stray saw blade? An ambulance until when you have a reality check and realize that in the mass hysteria of witnessing such a horrific event that this man is already dead. You then callan undertaker, his family and his friends to attend his funeral in a week or so. You then walk over to him and cry.

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Q. What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name.

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What's big and black? A black fridge.

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Your mom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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