Q: What do janitors and nuns have in common? A: They can't fly.

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Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to my house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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Whats worse than cutting yourself with scissors? Being forced into a blender by your baby's ghost.

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How did the girl cross the road? -She didn't, she died because she was blind and didn't see the "don't walk" sign.

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Two fish are in a tank. One is driving, the other is operating the gun. Two soldiers are in a tank. They both drown.

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What did farmer brown say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Why is Stevie Wonder always so happy? Probably becuase he's a highly succesfull multi-million dollor recording artist with 26 grammys and 1 oscar

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar They are friends and continue to have a pleasant evening

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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Why did the girl fall off the swingset? Because she got hit by a refridgerator.

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Knock Knock.

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What does "Ford" stand for? Nothing. It's the name of the company founder, not an acronym.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, none of them did.

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Your momma's so fat, diet and exercise would probably save her life!

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- (commits suicide)

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Why did the man cry himself to sleep at night? Because the doctors gave him 3 months to live.

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What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide-and-seek champion.

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What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

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When does the ice cream get thrown at the yellow horse on thursday evening? Purple Monkey Rainbow

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Why couldn't the man make it to work? Because as he was leaving his apartment, he saw a gruesome murder on the street that was part of an ever-growing and evolving genocide. Quickly following this, he broke down into psychological turmoil and wandered aimlessly through the streets until he eventually reached a forest, where he was taken in by a wild boar and raised to believe in boar-gods. The man died peacefully while planting potatoes.

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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I dont have a ferrari in my garage!

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John Cena for president

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Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops