What is green, ugly and can't empty his bowels without exerting a tremendous amount of energy? A constipated, ugly, green thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

The street outside of my house is covered in jelly. I have done this.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you tie your shoes underwater? In a submarine

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I used to make references to characters in Skyrim, but then my uncle touched me...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

haw are alligators and turtles simaler? They are both reptiles and carnavores and their speaces goes all the way back to the dinosoar ages

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is as dry as a bone? A bone

thumb_up thumb_down +14

The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the Russian take a boat ride? Well this isn't possible because we all know that in Soviet Russia, boat ride you.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Were you born yesterday? Because I've got an erection...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q:Why did the rockstar put rollerskates on his rocking chair? A:Because he wanted people to see him rocking and rolling on it.:)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was Jane absent from school today? Because she got mugged on her way there, and soon after was hit by a passing bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you make a small fortune? Be financially smart, work hard, save money, all while you make sure you don't let your earnings become a "large" fortune.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Women's Rights...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

My cousins so stupid she makes straight A's

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- Bob, what's interesting to see in NYC ? - Yes, exactly

thumb_up thumb_down

A gorilla walks into the DMV to apply for a drivers license. Turns out it was just some guy in a gorilla suit doing a prank. Everybody instantly realized this at the time since gorillas aren't indigenous to the local area. They guy responsible was charged with a small fine for public mischief.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

a blond goes to high school and gets terrible grades. she then goes online and realizes that it's because she's blond. so she shaves all her hair of and went back to high school and got terrible grades... I guess the lesson in this is once a blond, always a blond. she then got bit from a rabid butterfly and died in a hole

thumb_up thumb_down -2

One man's junk is another man's pleasure.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What happened to the man who was raking leaves? He kept his yard clean and felt great about his hard work.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Yo momma is so fat, she has to wear a large shirt

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Someone thinks Justin Bieber is strait

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock Knock Who's there? Never mind, it's just an imaginary door anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what does nike and the kkk have in common? Nothing as one is a brand of clothing ie;shoes, hoodies, etc. while the other is a racist cult formed in the 19th century which persecuted african americans.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops