How much does a polar bear weigh?. . .Approximately 515 kilos.

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What do a Shark and a lemon have in common? They can both swim, except for the lemon

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An English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar. I observed this from outside and therefore have no idea as to any of the sequence of events that occurred once they had entered the bar and disappeared from my line of sight.

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Your mama's teeth are so yellow, she decided to invest in a teeth whitening procedure and begin a healthier dental hygiene regimen.

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Whats funnier than a pile of dead babies? A young girl you know personally, completely alone with leukemia.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He wanted to catch the frisbee that was thrown to him.

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Why did the pilot crash the plane? It was a tomato.

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What's worse than having but sex and finding out you have aids? Knowing that the person you had sex with was dead

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What did one duck say to the other? "Quack!"

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Rick Perry.

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Why was the man squinting his face for so long? He was constipated and couldn't give a shit.

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Two men walk into a bar. And they enjoy a good night of drinking beer and playing pinball.

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guess what?

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An Unicorn walks into a club, the bartender promised to quit drugs and thanks to that his family didn't fall apart and he lived happily till he was 89 when he passed away surrounded by loved ones.

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How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them

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What's the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods? One is a mythical person who parents exploit to get their children to behave due to lack of parenting skills.

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A black man walks into an all white bar. He was escorted out, ten months later he died of a heart attack

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Living through the Holocaust and finding a time machine to take you back to the beginning of it again.

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Why was Hitler a bad person? He cheated at boggle.

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Laws are initially proposed in Parliament as bills. They become Acts after being approved three times by Parliamentary votes and then receiving Royal Assent from the Governor-General. The majority of bills are promulgated by the government of the day (that is, the party or parties that have a majority in Parliament). It is rare for government bills to be defeated, indeed the first to be defeated in the twentieth century was in 1998. It is also possible for individual MPs to promote their own bills, called member's bills; these are usually put forward by opposition parties, or by MPs who wish to deal with a matter that parties do not take positions on.

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Why was the little boy's head so big? He had a tumor in his brain.

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Why is ur cousin gay? because ya dad

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Winking at old people

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Why couldn't the kitten drink from its water bowl? Its face was stapled to the floor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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