who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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whats funny? when isreal special forces hunted down nazis after ww2 and killed the fucks

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

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What's worse than being shot? Being shot twice.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven hundred and eighty nine.

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Q: What's grey and can't climb trees A: A car park

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was holding on to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Pier pressure.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Did you hear what happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in spring training.

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your momma is so poor that she is on welfare.

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Don't wake me up. If you wake me up then I will give you a puppy. Just wait until you fall in love with the puppy, because then i will kill it in front of you.

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Excuses are like assholes: Gay men like to have sex with them.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him to leave.

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How do you ask a blonde out to dinner? Politely

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Where did Sarah go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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Friends are like snowflakes, they go away when you pee on them.

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What is the difference between a black person and an elevator? Well, there are many differences such as the fact that an elevator has a series of wiring and mechanics, while a black man, and white men alike, are human beings.

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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What did the Golden Retriever say when asked about the meaning of life? woof.

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How many Women's Rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

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It's raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring. He bumps his head, and is quickly rushed to the ER for serious head trauma

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What is big white and will kill you if it falls out of a tree in winter A refrigerator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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