What has four legs and a tail? A table with a tail

thumb_up thumb_down +23

So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did my car stop suddenly? I had arrived at my appropriate destination.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's brown and sticky A stick

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hi im a joke i eat turtles

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? A: The holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are red, violets are red, Tulips are red, bushes are red.... WTF MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did Harry get for his Birthday? Nothing nobody likes Harry.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Want to hear a clean joke? Soap.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"My dog doesn't have a nose" "How does it smell?" "It can't. It bled to death."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the black man shoot the white guy? the white man was about to hurt the black mans family.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why shouldn't you download music? Various reasons.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A mountain goat walks into a bar, the bar mans asks ''so, what will it be?''. The other customers question the mental integrity of the bar man, as goats cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

This is a haiku. Not a very good haiku, But still a haiku.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What was funny about the Halocast? Nothing, thousands of innocent people died

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man walks into a bar and orders 12 shots. "8?" Asks the bartender, to verify he had heard correctly. He feels unsure of giving the man 12 shots but does so anyways due to his financial situation and he hopes for a generous tip. Afterwards, the man kills 9 people in a car crash due to his level of intoxication and the bartender seeps into depression due to his feeling of guilt.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why wouldn't joey pay attention in class? Because he was being raped by a grizzly bear.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

roses are red violets are blue i've got alzheimer's ...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: what did the grandmother give to her grandson. A: a lightbulb

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is your favorite color???? My mom I got u s o godd.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A rapist, black guy, and a homophob walk into a bar and the bartender says nice game last night kobe.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops