Q: what did the man say to the woman? A: hi

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Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

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Roses are Green Violets are Black Everything's different since I took crack

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So, I was walking down the street. As i walked past a oak door an entrance to a mental institution, I heard a bored voice going, "eleven, eleven, eleven". My curiosity, like a cat, got better of me and I decided to take a peek through the key hole and see the eleven things being counted. As soon as I had my eye on the key hole, I was poked in the eye by a metal rod. Startled, I feel back to the street. And, sure enough, heard the same bored voice, going, "twelve, twelve, twelve".

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why did the homeless man die? because everyone does.

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Knock Knock Who's there Kevin Kevin who Kevin your friend dumbass

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Do you know why the Mexican didn't like hot dogs? I don't know either.

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I was gonna make a gay joke but those are insensitive, and gays have feelings like everyone else

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What do you call an Englishman, an Irishman and a Chineseman playing football? 3 friends playing their favourite sport.

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What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

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a duck walks up to a lemonade stand, says to the man running the stand. quack, because he's a duck

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what happened when Bob told a joke? Joe laughed.

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When is a Jewish persons bedtime? When the brain releases endorphins, causing drowsiness, which usually leads one to sleep.

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What did one Japanese man say to the other? I don't know, I don't speak Japanese.

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Seriously, I am going to tell you, but you know, what would you have preferred that it was if you could choose, I am kinda insecure about these things, and people can read these messages so...

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Why did the fish fly It didn't

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Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That's not funny.

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Did I tell you about when I hit a cat with my car? No, what happened? I hit a cat.

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Why was the plumber sad? Because his family died in a car crash

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Mary had a little lamb... The doctor fainted

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Why don't elephants smoke? Because they would be afraid of the fire, and they are much more adversely affected by recreational drugs than humans are.

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What is better than one trillion dollars? One trillion and one dollars... duh.

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What happens when an old lady bumps into a black man in the middle of the night? He politely offers her help getting home and she accepts.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a tire? It depends on the size of the tire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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