Q:What do you do when you see a talking raccoon A:Quit the LSD

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What does a grandmas vagina taste like? I don't know -- nor do I want to.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poems, Show me your tits.

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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why does the room smell bad? because there's a dead body under the bed

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How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a shovel 17 times

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How come the man could read the directions? Because it was right side up.

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420

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There's nothing more natural than the coals under the fire...

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What did the dead man say? Nothing because dead human beings have no beating heart and do not live so they cannot speak.

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If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

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What do you call a person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk? A person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk.

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How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten. One to actually screw it in, and nine to stand around and say, "I can do it better."

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? A: "Get in the car."

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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What did the blonde order in the restaurant? A cup of coffee.

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What did the man with one eye say to the woman with one leg at 2 p.m? Good afternoon.

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Whats red and hurts your teeth? A brick

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Wanna hear a funny anti joke?...........................................................................................Funny anti joke

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Aww Eliza, thanks for being around in spirit, dont leave yet, I am kinda having breathing problems, and Alice says my something levels are dropping because I need solid food, please dont leave, I cant tell time even with a watch, but would you mind waiting a bit? Ill eat fast, somehow.

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What do you feel inside after eating an entire class of pre-schoolers? A stomach ache

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So this guy filled with blood, right? This caused his veins to protrude and him to bleed strongly when he cut his wrists with razors later that night- because of his struggle with depression and substance abuse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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