My nipple is bleeding

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Why did the little boy drop his Icecream? Because I ran him over with my Bus!!

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My mom touched my wiener : \

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Why was the farmer buried in a grave on the top of a hill? He had died and this would be his final resting place.

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13.

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How do you stop an assassin? Kill their target

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A man sat down Then he stood up

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boy1: whats blue and goes blub blub? boy2:i dont know boy1:a blue blub blub boy1: whats green and goes blub blub? boy2:a green blub blub boy1:no. there is no such thing called a green blub blub

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Why did the black guy enjoy anal sex? Because he has a phobia of vaginas and only likes to have anal

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A boy dares his friend to jump off the walking bridge. The boy's friend accepts the dare and jumps. What happens next? The boy brain is splattered on the ground.

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knock knock who's there? Tommy Tommy who? Tommy Smith from across the street, i just ran over your dog.

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What do you call a black pilot? a pilot you racist bastard...

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What's the opposite of a joke. An anti-joke.

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Your mother is so fat, she spends all day in her bedroom, eating chocolate and crying herself to sleep.

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Dislike if you're a virgin ;)

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Doesn't matter, the lightbulb was never out

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Why do they call it lunchmeat? Because it is meat that you eat at lunch.

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How do you get blood from a stone? Put it in a snowball.

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Once upon of time an old man goes to a hospital and tells the doctor that he wants to get circumcised for the first time. The doctor says "Are you sure, you are 90 years old" and the old man says "please doc, just do it." So he goes on with the procedure and the old man is very happy. He returns home with his foreskin and keeps it inside a small box. The old man goes out for dinner and comes home to see his foreskin missing. He gets very angry and asked his daughter "Have you seen my little box?" Daughter says no. He asked his son-in-law "Did you take my box with my foreskin?" Son in law says "No, never." The old man asks the dog "Doggie, did you take my foreskin?" The dog says "Why yes, yes I did." The old man angrily says "Well give it back!" The dog says "I will give your foreskin back if you do me one favor." The old man says "What is it?" The dog says "Three blocks down the street there is a purple house with a cute dog that I would like you to bring to me to go on a date with. Bring her to me and I'll give you back the box." So the old man walks three blocks down the street and spots the purple house. He knocks on the door and a woman opens the door. The old man asks "Excuse me ma'am, i just got circumsized yesterday and I was wondering if I can borrow your dog for just one night because my dog some how blackmailed me and kept my foreskin and said that if I can get my dog and your dog together he would give me my foreskin back." The woman replies " Who the FFFFF are you?!!!"

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Joey and Jack walked into a bar, and proceeded to have gay sex on the floor.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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69

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You and your wife walk into a bar, you both order a drink and celebrate your good health.

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It's funny, because she's twice his size!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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