My nipple is bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Where to, sir? Forward.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between a Mexican and a picnic table? The average picnic table can support a family of four, while a Mexican person, depending on his or her career, can support families that include over four people.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats similar between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man cries out to god.. and god doesn't answer.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

noodles

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happened to the man who was raking leaves? He kept his yard clean and felt great about his hard work.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why are young girls better at school than young boys? Because young boys think about young girls.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock. Who's there? The landlord. You're being evicted.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why can't Helen Keller drive a bus? Because she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what have big boobs, and fat ass ? fat man

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Your mother is so fat, she spends all day in her bedroom, eating chocolate and crying herself to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's the opposite of a joke. An anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

This is a joke for Homeless people:

thumb_up thumb_down -47

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Once upon of time an old man goes to a hospital and tells the doctor that he wants to get circumcised for the first time. The doctor says "Are you sure, you are 90 years old" and the old man says "please doc, just do it." So he goes on with the procedure and the old man is very happy. He returns home with his foreskin and keeps it inside a small box. The old man goes out for dinner and comes home to see his foreskin missing. He gets very angry and asked his daughter "Have you seen my little box?" Daughter says no. He asked his son-in-law "Did you take my box with my foreskin?" Son in law says "No, never." The old man asks the dog "Doggie, did you take my foreskin?" The dog says "Why yes, yes I did." The old man angrily says "Well give it back!" The dog says "I will give your foreskin back if you do me one favor." The old man says "What is it?" The dog says "Three blocks down the street there is a purple house with a cute dog that I would like you to bring to me to go on a date with. Bring her to me and I'll give you back the box." So the old man walks three blocks down the street and spots the purple house. He knocks on the door and a woman opens the door. The old man asks "Excuse me ma'am, i just got circumsized yesterday and I was wondering if I can borrow your dog for just one night because my dog some how blackmailed me and kept my foreskin and said that if I can get my dog and your dog together he would give me my foreskin back." The woman replies " Who the FFFFF are you?!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Q: What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A: His or her name.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

what do you call a black man in a police car? A police officer

thumb_up thumb_down +54

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are being pursued by the cops. They run into an old barn for a place to hide. They each hid in a different potato sack. The cops enter the barn, and seeing no one, leave and continue the search somewhere else. The three girls flee the country and give up their life of crime. The cops later go get some donuts.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Why did the milkman wear a white belt? To keep his pants up.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do u get when you cross Napoleon and a stick of dynamite? A very bloody mess.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How do you stop a baby from crying? Put it in the microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Two men are talking at a bar. They both order the same drink but are charged different prices. Angered, one of them men confronts the bartender. A fight breaks out and the bartender is seriously injured.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops