Why did the mushroom go to the party? Cause he was invited.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? The IRS. All your base are belong to us.

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A pigeon walks into a bar. Someone left the door opened.

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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What is the difference of The United States and 10 pounds of shit? Well,considering there are 50 united states,we would take 10 away from 50 for a total of 40. A very simple subtraction problem indeed.

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So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

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Knock Knock.

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Why did the girl fall off the swingset? Because she got hit by a refridgerator.

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What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide-and-seek champion.

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Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

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What do you call a mormon in a red jumpsuit covered in black spots? Proper terminology for this scenario has not been yet made

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A guy asks, "Why was my mom in your bed?" The other guy replies, "Because your mom has a mental disease which inhibits her ability to process thought."

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? answer: Where's my tractor?

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What do you callan african american in KFC? A had working american with a average profit, trying to make a living.

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Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because the The husband told her to...

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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why did the boy die? because he got shot

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Why didn't the jew eat pork? He was vegetarian.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Steve. Steve who? Steve Johnson, and I'm legally obligated to inform you that I'm a sex offender.

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Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

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Yamum is so poor that she has trouble supporting herself and paying her own bills. Subsiqeunetly she had her electricity and home phone cut off, not that she would have any use for a home phone with her electricity cut off anyway. She sits on her bed and cries herself to sleep each night and has been thrown into depression due to her spiraling financial debts of which she can see no end to. This has led to several attempts to take her own life to hopefully finally find a way out of her misery and debt.

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A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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