How do you get a black man out of a tree? With a ladder.

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What is black and white and red all over? I don't know. I was hoping you did.

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why did the fat woman die? ... because she tried to commit suicide and the ceiling collapsed on her.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? You eat them.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She didn't own a car.

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What's blue and looks just like water? Water.

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What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? A cone

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Who won the race? I don't know look it up.

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Person 1: Why does food from Subway taste so good? Person 2: I don't know, why? Person 1: Because their ingredients are fresh. Person 2: Um, OK? Person 1: Yeah, it's all under 18. Person 2: Shit...

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what do you call white people running down a mountain? Avalanche What do you call black people running down a mountain? Jailbreak

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My uncle said to me that life is like a box of chocolates But I'm lactose intolerant

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Light travels faster than sound, thats why people look smart until they talk.

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Q. What do you call a black pilot A. A pilot

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A man walks into a barbershop. He gets a crew cut and leaves.

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What's good about having alzheimers? You meet new people every day!

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver comes into the bar and gulps down the guys drink and the guy starts crying the lorry driver says "dont cry ill buy you another" thee guy sas "it's not that today i woke up late for work and when i got there i got fired and then when i went to go home feeling depressed my car doesnt startand so i walk home and i find my wife in bed with the gardener and so i came here to die but you drank my poison"

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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What did one penguin say to the other? Flippty-flop-dop-boop-de-bop. Jazzhands.

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Knock-Knock Whos there? You're about to get shell shocked...

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What's the difference between a red ball and a blue ball? There both blue but the red one

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Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

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3 men are walking down a dirt path. One is a retired member of the US Air Force. The other of the Marines. The last one of the Navy. They are arguing about why their respective section of the military is the best. They lose track of where they're going and fall off of a cliff onto the spinning propeller of a US Coast Guard helicopter.

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Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas? A Wii.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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