A boy spilt his milk on the floor, and then cleaned it up before his mum got home.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What?

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Why was the dentist sent to jail? Because he committed a crime.

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, I have down syndrome, my favorite color is potato

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What did the boy's mother say to her daughter when she walked in on her father having sex with her grandmother? The grandfather said "how are you"? He wasn't a part of that fiasco. However I'm sure that whoever saw what was confused and looking for answers.

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Why did the police officer decide to eat a donut? Because he was slightly hungry, but a meal seemed too much for him.

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Why would Maria not have sex with Liam? Because she is Danish and doesn't shave and therefore is self-conscious

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on a planet, in a galaxy, far far away... you have cancer

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Why did the black man cross the road? Because he lived an worked on opposite sides of the road, and so consequently needed to cross the road to work, and provide an income for his family, so they could have fresh food, clean water, and have money to pay the bills such as the mortgage so they didnt become poor and homeless, which would inevitably lead to illness and an early death for them all.

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Why did Schrödinger's Cat cross the road? It didn't

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Your moma so ugly she should go see a plastic surgeon.

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A man walks into a bar and says, "I'll take a drink."

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What did the one stethoscope say to the other stethoscope? Nothing. Stethoscopes can't talk.

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What did the genie say to the man that rubbed the magic lamp? Nothing, genies don't exist.

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What did the black kid get for christmas?? Your tv

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why did the Cow die....? He didnt!!!!

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What's red, green and smells like crap? Green and red crap.

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How do you make an onion cry? Onions are incapable of crying

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What's long, dark, and smelly? The unemployment line.

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Whats worse that having cold soup? Cancer

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What do a rabbit and a plum have in common? -They're both purple except the rabbit.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? No I said Lou. Oh hey Lou come on in.

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wanna here a joke? you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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