A mogwai walks into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't feed mogwais after midnight."

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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knock knock whos there? a rapiest get in my van. ok, let me just get my purse

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I used to work at a lightbulb factory... I made the filaments

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What is better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being retarded

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Amedeo Clemente Modigliani was an Italian artist who worked mainly in France. Primarily a figurative artist, he became known for paintings and sculptures in a modern style characterized by mask-like faces and elongation of form. He died in Paris of tubercular meningitis, exacerbated by poverty, overwork, and addiction to alcohol and narcotics.

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knock knock. who's there yourdrive yourdrive who yourdriving me up the wall

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What is the only thing worse than being a smelly Jew in 1944? Being a Jew in 1944 to hit the showers.

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why did the dead baby cross the road? it was stapled to a chicken

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What did Lance Armstrong say to his critics? I have one testical

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What's worse than finding jokes that repeat on Anti-Joke.com? AIDS

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Yo Mamma

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Why did William go home. His mother called and they were having a potroast

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Q. What did the man with no heart say? A. Nothing. No living creature can live without a heart.

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Has anyone seen Stevie Wonder's new car?! Nobody seen it?! He too!

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van

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how do you get a girl to stop ignoring you? you kill her family with her watching.

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This is a joke for Homeless people:

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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21

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Why was the mother crying Her son was killed by a meteor

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how do you refer to a guy with a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket and low riding? by his first name

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Obviously.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because a random biological stimulus compelled it to.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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