So a guy is on his way to work and he nearly gets hit by a bus. He sticks his middle finger up at the bus driver but a couple seconds later he realized that it was the same bus he was supposed to get on so he apologized to the bus driver and got on the bus. He was 15 minutes late for the 420th time this week so he was fired from his job and went back home. On his way home he was not allowed on the bus because he left his oyster card somewhere so he had to walk home. 69 minutes later he arrives home to his wife and kids. What did the man say to his wife when he got back home? "Hi."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What happened to the teenager who was raped and murdered? Who knows? They never found the body.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the asian driver crash his car? Because he was driving while intoxicated.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the blonde stay in the five-star hotel? She had enough money.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the small child cry? He was forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Whats greasy and long? Your moms chesthair

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the girl drop her vannlia ice cream? Vannlia Ice punched her for being cool as ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call the black guy with a gun a ski mask on? Tyrone, because thats his name.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being hit by a plane.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Thank you Nero, this might not sound apropiate at all, but I am in love with you and have always been, and just want you to know that what I love the most about you is your spirit, your kindness, and sincerely, how you make me feel safe, I think its that you are dead honest to the point where you insult people asking for your opinion, I never had to question what you really mean or want, you just say it out loud, I love you, I realize it must be strange hearing that from someone you see as a daughter, I remember my father too well to consider you one, but I guess I always considered you a hot big brother of sorts. You are 32 huh? You always knew did you not? Why that secret of all things? Ill be arriving as soon as those trained killers of yours show by, and man are they fast and loyal, only you could inspire that love. I know your name is Nero, but I would not mind calling you Axel or at least knight, that's what you have always been for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

It takes a minute to know somebody, an hour to fall in love, but a lifetime to forget. Once, my mom forgot me at Disney World.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You wake, and up for a second you are dazed. Then you open your eyes slowly because you are afraid of what is to come. You then remember oh right I had a sleepover at john smith's house.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

roses are red violets are blue your friend is a scumbag and so are you

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q. How do you make your neighbor mad? A. Run his kids over.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did God say to the man who just died? Nothing. God and Heaven something parents make up so kids will do the right thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Do you want icecream, Björn?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man died. What was his name? Phil. His name was Phil.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A panda , a cheetah, a dog, a spider, and an eagle are in Antarctica.. The eagle looks around at the other baffled animals and says " What is this????? This isn't right! I'm so confused!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: why did the dad drop his baby? A: she was slippery.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's black and white and red all over? Half a black face and half a white face after going through a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops