Jimmy: Knock, knock, Grandmother: Who's there? Jimmy: Jimmy Grandmother: Jimmy who? And then Jimmy held back tears as he knew grandmother's Alzheimer's disease was getting worse.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the pilot crash the plane? It was a tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving in a car. They're on their way to the mall, or something.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's funnier than 24? 25.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A bear walks into a bar. The building is evacuated swiftly but several people are killed

thumb_up thumb_down -19

whats the difference between a chicken and a grape? there both green exept for the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the man mysteriously disappear? Because he was hiding without telling anyone that he was hiding.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What did the English teacher write on a sheet of assignment criteria? The assignment criteria. Plus, she spelled "millennium" wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Have Alzheimers, Cheese on Toast.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing. I lied about the deer.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Asian NASCAR.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? A Jew is a person either born into or converted to Judaism, and a Pizza is a disc shaped, oven baked bread typically topped with tomato sauce and cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was dead and therefore unable to escape the Chick fil A bag it was being carried in.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Magic Johnson has AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down +36

I can see you under there. Under what?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the man say to the man? Awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the ghost say to the bee? BOOBEE

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Knock knock. Who's there? Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops