what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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What is the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One you can smash with a hammer and the other is just a watermelon.

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Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

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How tall is oprah.. 5'7

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How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By pulling human entrails out of her purse when he asks her to provide insurance.

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Q: How pregnancy test is performed in Somalia?! A: Shove a piece of bread between the legs of the women and if the bread is bitten when you take it out, she is pregnant!

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fun fact for the day: 100% of people that drink water die sooner or later

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't eat pizza

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Q: Whats white and fluffy? A: White fluff

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Name three similarities between racism and sexism I, S and M

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what do you call a gay guy? kevin

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So FDR walks into a bar.

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How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, the mystery is how mice can get inside a lightbulb.

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How do you know that an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The door is ripped off and the refrigerator is lying on it's side. All the shelves are strewn around the floor and your food has been partially eaten or simply crushed. You also have costly damage done to your house and most likely a frightened elephant in your house

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A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

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A man walks into a bar said man is escorted out of said bar said man may have died from a serious case of alcohol poisoning whilst in said bar he was escorted as dead people have trouble moving of their own accord experts discovered later that the man had actually been brutaly beaten by another man wielding a bar stool this shows that experts are not very smart

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how many pancakes does it take to build a dog house? none boats don't have wheels.

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why did the chicken cross the road? who cares its a chicken.

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Hey, do you wanna hear a joke? A joke.

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four because snakes don't have legs.

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What do you call a 2 storied house ? A dolphin! :D

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Why did the guy jump out of the plane? he was parachuting

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In Soviet Russia, there was a population of approx. 293,047,571 people. It was dissolved in 1991, it is now know as Russia or the Russian Federation.

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what is the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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