what has legs but can't walk? a paraplegic

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Arent you my dark knight in black armor, you would seriously put your life on the line for my sake?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

whats the difference between a chicken and a grape? there both green exept for the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the murderer buy a lizard? He thought that they were cute.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A kid walks into a shop and asks the shopkeeper for a loaf of bread. The shopkeeper says, "White, wholemeal or multigrain?". The kid replies, "No thanks. My bike's outside".

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What do you call an Italian baby born with an extra toe? He was named Vincent Antonio Linguini and has been doing well with six toes.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

What is pink and smells like green paint? Pink paint

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Have Alzheimers, Cheese on Toast.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -83

what did the schizophrenic get for his birthday? new friends

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Gay jokes are a real pain in the butt.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

What do you call a man with a cigar in his mouth. A person with bad health and dirty teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What did the African boy get for his Christmas present for the first time? Leprosy

thumb_up thumb_down +46

If you helped Jack on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? Of course; if he was too short to climb onto the saddle then it would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous not to help him off. As his riding instructor, you would be liable for any injuries Jack sustained had he attempted to dismount the horse with no assistance.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What did the ghost say to the bee? BOOBEE

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Two cannibals are eating around a fire in the jungle, and one turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" Oh yeah, and they're eating a clown.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

clamidia

thumb_up thumb_down +26

You might be redneck if you are... Indian

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A dog walks in to a Western Union, walks up to the cashier and says "I'd like to buy a telegram, please." The cashier says "Alright, what would you like it to say?" "I'd like it to say 'bow-wow-wow, bow-wow-wow" replies the dog. "Okay. You know, you can add another 'bow-wow-wow' to the message free of charge," the cashier informs. The dog says, "Well, that just wouldn't make any sense."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, the astronaut, the olympic diver, the mcdonald's employee, and the web designer? Neither did I...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q:Who has the highest K/D ratio in Call of Duty World at War A: Hitler, 6000000/1

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Steve, what do I write on a 3946 if more than two vehicles were involved?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the student fall asleep during class? He was very tried from staying up too late.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops