Q. How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A. Actually woodchucks can't chuck wood only beavers can

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's brown and sticky? The stuff that comes out of your anus

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why couldn't the man stop dancing? Because he had Parkinson's.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When my parents said that they chucked a flipper baby into the Atlantic ocean I assumed a baby seal, I later found out that happened to my disabled brother.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck; the other regrets having you as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A dog got into a gingerbread house. She ate some and brought some to the basement it got on the couch!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what happens when you step on a bear trap? Alot of pain.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Call of Duty Infinite Warfare

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Thats what she said

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 9.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A Muslim gets off his plane from Saudi Arabia to New York and walks to customs where a TSA agent asks him "what is you business in America?" The Muslim responds "I am here for a vacation". He walks on, and returns home 10 days later.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How does a dyslexic person read the word 'schitzophrenia'? Schitzophrenia. I leid abuot teh dyslxeia.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What goes up but doesn't come down? A: Columbia

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? He felt like crossing roads that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I would tell you a joke but I'm not funny

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What red, white, and blue? A white person who was raped by a clown.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo mamma's so stupid, she couldn't get a high paying job and had to settle for working full time at McDonalds, just to get your family through the week.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops