My friend came out.....of the bathroom so I could shit

thumb_up thumb_down +34

whats worse then falling on the ice? -getting raped by a blue whale

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Past, Present and Future walk into a bar. It was tense...

thumb_up thumb_down +32

a guy walks into a bar. unexpectedly, a terrorist walks in and shoots him in the head. After lots of therapy he can now go back to his average life.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

why does the octopus have no friends? because they're anti social by nature

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why couldn't Spiderman pay his rent? He didn't have enough money.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Scenario: 2 people are in a desert. There is only 1 bottle of water left to drink. Who drinks it? Neither of them, they drink the gallon bottle of gatorade instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a black guy with a shotgun? A fine American citizen exercising his 2nd Amendment right.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A jew, a black man, a muslim, an atheist, a christian, a catholic, a roman, a russian, a cuban, an english man, a horse, a cow boy, a gay, a lesbian, a dancer, a teacher, a father, a mayor, a politician and a fish are in a bar. Now that's one crowded bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Depending on whether you have permission to eat it, either stolen property, or a nice snack shared between friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Walk in to a room and sing "if you're deaf and you know it, clap your hands!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I used to make references to characters in Skyrim, but then my uncle touched me...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving in a car. They're on their way to the mall, or something.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why is Kim Jong Un so fat? Because he takes all the food in the country and sends his own people to live in concentration camps!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A Horse walks into a bar. So the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The Horse replies "My jockey raped me".

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats something only kids wear? Clothes

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why do black people like chicken? It's usually fried.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the pigeon rape itself? It had mental issues.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Teacher: Be creative and original! Student A: Teacher, why do you want us to change our monikers? I'm fine the way I am. After all, I'm unique... just like everybody else... Teacher: Why don't I have the brilliant children? Student B: Chance/randomness plays a large part in our everyday lives. Take for example the life of Bob- a paragon for human normality. He gets up in the morning each and every single day to be greeted by an arbitrary occurrence. Although it sometimes serves Bob good, it could also aggrandize his human well of detriment. Teacher, do you want me to continue? Teacher: I retract my earlier statement. Some of the children are brilliant, but most are not. Hence I'm going to say that I have a normal class of students. Student B: Teacher, you didn't answer my last question of which I addressed to you specifically.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's green and looks like a forest? A forest.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Arsonist: Hey, did you listen my mixtape? It's really FIRE.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Do u know what would be a big pain in the ass? A thorn

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your mama is so fat... she really should go on a diet.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

my names jim haha

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops