A horse walks into a bar and then out of the bar

thumb_up thumb_down +12

An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did hitler say when he spilt coffee all over himself Ow I am burnt

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do stuffed animals and living animals have in common? There both living except the stuffed animal.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock, knock. Who's there? Gestapo.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why'd the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Chickens are raised on farms, which are away from society. They are taken care of in pens, and have no way of escaping. Therefore it couldn't have crossed any roads.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

So a priest and an atheist sit next to eachother train After talking to eachother for a short period of time, the priest discovers the other man's beliefs and procededs to spend the rest of the ride trying to convert the atheist. Incredibly irritated the atheist gets off the train a stop early to escape the tirade. The next day the atheist sees on tv that the train crashed right after getting off, and the priest is listed amongst the people killed in the accident. He is ecstatic, and says to himself "ha, proof of divine retribution," but then he feels confused because he realizes he doesn't believe in a god...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how do you make a baby float take you foot of its head

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the Catholic priest incarcerated? 2 counts of child pornography and 3 counts of sexual abuse with a minor. Since he is now released, he's working as a janitor of an elementary school.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Jacob Mckeand licks his gooch everynight. Some nights he even covers it in maple syrup. 'mmmmm' he thinks to himself as he licks his 7 inch gooch up and down.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the chef go to jail? because he was caught beating an egg

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? there were no more cars in the way

thumb_up thumb_down

yo momma is so ugly, she is unpleasant to look at!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

On a scale of one to 10, F*ck yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a three legged man? Horribly deformed

thumb_up thumb_down -8

An old man gets into a van with two little boys. They are his grandsons.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a Mexican hockey player? A hockey player.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the boy cry? Because he was mercilessly beaten by his mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

There was a small boy with a lollipop and a spinning hat. He died of lieukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why is ur cousin gay? because ya dad

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you do to someone you hate very much? You kill them.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

knock knock whos there? your mother your mother who? ...........what?

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops