why did the 11 year old boy stick his hand in a lawnmower nobody knows he hasnt come out of the coma yet

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What do you call a black person on a bike? A cyclist.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders a beer. After a while, the bartender comes over to him and asks if he would like another beer. He says no and leaves.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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Wanna know way i don't eat grapes? I hate Grapes.

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person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a desert island together. They eventually succumb to dehydration and heat exhaustion. They lasted five days.

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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What's the difference between black and white people? One is black.

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What's green and smells like a dirty whore? A dirty whore

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a man offers an innocent little child some candy from his van upon arrival the child is raped and beaten suverily. -teagan doherty-

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Why did Gary have severe learning difficulties? Because his mother drank a lot of alcohol while she was pregnant, and it harmed his development significantly.

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why was the asian kid the only one to get an A+ in the test? He spent the longest time studying and was therefore better prepared than the other students.

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yo mama so fat she had to eat healthy food and exercise daily

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Why did Elsa go into hiding. She died

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A horse walks into a bar, and is then put down because of the injuries it sustained from the impact.

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What do you call a blonde who passed the SAT's? An excellent student.

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A man is unemployed, ugly, short, fat, smelly and stupid. That's what she said.

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Can midgets still have big dreams?

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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What does Santa give to a naughty child who wants coal for Christmas? Nothing, Santa doesn't exist.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes

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watched pride and prejudice last night. I hate period dramas... too much blood

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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