What's pink, bubbly, and goes round and round? A baby in a microwave.

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A Horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse, "Why the long face?". The horse didn't understand English, so he took a shit on the floor, and left.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? It needed excitement in its otherwise mundane lifestyle.

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Two muffins are in an oven one muffin says to the other muffin "It's hot in here" the other muffin says "Holy crap a talking muffin".

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Tic tac toe. I never met my father

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knock knock! whos there? me! me who? thats right! whats right? meehoo! thats what i want to know! whats what you want to know? me who? yes, exactly! exactly what? yes, i have an exactlywatt on a chain! exactly what on a chain? yes! yes what? no, exactlywatt! thats what i want to know! i told you--exactlywatt! exactly what? yes! yes what? yes, its with me! whats with you? exactlywatt--thats whats with me! me who? yes! Go away! knock knock.....

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Why was Cathy sad. Her husband Drew was killed by a land mine on a peace keeping mission to Iraq.

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Why did the teacher ask her student about the test? Because she was in the hospital the day of the test because her husband was hit by a rail road spike and died but she was so devoted to her job she wanted to know.

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Everyone is different, but there are two of me, therefore I am unique. I have 72 different personalities, which all think, act and behave the same, all have my same name, but its still different to have such a thing eh? No I am not asking, I just added that weird little lightbulb symbol after "eh". People buy my book, its full of this nonsense... Its named "Are you left winged, or wrong winged" The book that has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with politicians non existent sexlife! (seriously I had a book signing today... It was weird, people like stood in line twenty Signatures... AND PEOPLE ARE ALL GOING "HEY ARE YOU THAT GUY FROM HORSEHEAD?" Nero -WHO THE FUCK! IS THAT GUY ON HORSEHEAD?

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "Damn! I should've voted Democrat!"

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, I'm colorblind, I hate my life

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your brother so fine that hes skinney

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A: Whats black and hangs from my tree in my backyard? B: What? A: Blackberries B: Blackberries grow on bushes

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what did the boy with dyslexia get for his birthday? bad grades

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That awkward moment when you have to tell your child you wanted an abortion, and still wish you had.

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what did the ox say to his son when he left for collage? bison

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas. A new vest and a puppy because his father got a promotion and a much higher pay raise.

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Knock Knock! Who Is it? You, Tig

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An Irishman walks out of a bar.

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The Walmart Scooterwhale (Terracetus obesitus) is the only member of the cetacean family to live in a terrestrial environment. Commonly found in large-scale grocery stores all across North America, it subsists mostly on fattening junk food, microwave popcorn, and beer.

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Why did the girl take a shower? Because she was dirty

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Why did the dog get arrested? He didn't the people responsible for causing the dog fight got arrested for animal abuse.

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What is green and can hurt your eyes? I don't know, but its definitely not a laser pointer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops