- Anti Joke

Why does the Taliban forbid people from having sex standing up? It might lead to dancing. And then, of course, death.

Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

- What would you say if you'll see a Mexican eating hamburger in fast-food restaurant? - Enjoy your meal.

My grandmother's zodiac sign was cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab.

Do you want to hear a shit joke? Stuart.

why did the man leave his house during a state of emergency? he didnt

What do you call a man with no arms? Richard, as that is his name.

What happens when there is a jew next to you and you are standing on a train track? A train hits you both and you both die.

"Knock knock," said the guy about to deliver a knock knock joke.

How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

Dig a big hole in your front yard and wait next to it so when people walk by they'll ask "Why is there a hole in your front yard?" to whcih you will reply "I don't know. Do you wanna play Monopoly?"

Why was the guy with six fingers called John? His name was John.

Why did the boy get nothing from Santa? He's Jewish.

what did the cop say to the robber... freeze bitch hope you like prison food and penis

Roses are red Violents are blue Oranges

My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is rubbish. It only opens from 1 to 16.

why was the little boy sad? he had a frog stapled to his face.

Q: what did the dog say to the cat? A: nothing dogs can't talk

Your mother is so fat; I love fat fat people.

a boy poops in class everybody laughs and now he has no friends

Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea. A: Tsunami victims.

How do you double any amount of cash? Stack it up and fold it in half.

What was funny about the Halocast? Nothing, thousands of innocent people died

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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