What happens when you put an embryo in a blender? I don't know, I was too busy jerking off.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What’s brown, sticky and smells like poo? Shit!!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I saw a kid watching Harry Potter so I asked him "Do you like Harry Potter?" he replued "yeah" so I asked "do you want to be Harry Potter" he said "yeah"... ...so I killed his parents and locked him in a cupboard.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Q. What's large, solid, and full of veins? A. A man or woman who frequently engages in weightlifting and follows a diet primarily based around high protein and low carbohydrate intake

thumb_up thumb_down -138

One day a girl comes home crying to her father. Father, Father! She says, a boy i met touched my shoulder! Like this? Her father says and touches her shoulder. Yes just like that, a bad part was that he kissed me on my lips! Like this? her father says and kisses her on the lips. Yes just like that but the WORST thing was he stuck his you know what into my you know where. Like this? Her father says as he sticks his you know what into her you know where. Yes just like that father but he had AIDS! ......( Awkward silence)..... oh shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Q:Want to hear a pizza joke? A: Never mind it's to cheesy.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

A racist indian (from india) walks into a bar (in india). A catholic priest walks into the same bar. The bar says 'moo'. The bar is a shape-shifting cow.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Why did the man push open the door? The sign said PUSH.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

A jew, a catholic, and a muslim walk into a bar. Within minutes, they begin to argue about religion. After a few hours of intense debate, all three left dissatisfied and upset.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

equality for women

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial Muscles.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why do we have a black president? Because the populace voted and thought him to be an overall better candidate than John McCain.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock, knock Who's there? Who. Who who? ... Who?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

clamidia

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What makes fat kids laugh? Jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A horse walked into a barn...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If Dwayne the Rock Johnson was short who would he look like? Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the Booger cross the road? because He was getting picked on....

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A Horse walks into a bar. So the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The Horse replies "My jockey raped me".

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a grizzly bear without teeth? A gummy bear

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the cat fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second cat fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the third cat fall out of the tree? It was tied to the second cat. Why did the fourth cat fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the fifth cat fall out of the tree? It needed to get down, but couldn't find any other way down. After he fell, he was minorly hurt and ate some cat food.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why do priest touch children? They are sexually deprived and frustrated because their religion forbids them from having a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops