How do you make a fake baby cry -Put batteries in it. How do you make a real baby cry? -Put batteries in it.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Jay-Z

Whats brown and sticky? Shit.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Nothing, it's still a dinosaur! Her sexual orientation is regardless. ~kyle hudson

What's the difference between a statue and a real human? The statue can't run if the birds shit on it.

Joe has 30 candy bars and eats 25. What does john have now? DIABETIES. Joe has diabeties. Please comment!!!!!!!

My zombie busting team: Tank: The Terminator Mechanic: Tony Stark Demolitions: Superman Medic: Gandalf Bait: Justin Bieber

Q: What used to be black, and then became white, and touches young boys? A: Michael Jackson.

What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

have you seen stevie wonder's harmonica? neither has he.

My mom told me I was pretty, I know now that she is a liar.

What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

Twelve men walk into a bar, and get stuck in the door because it's far too small for all of them to walk through at the same time.

What do two Jews have in common? They both practice the same religion.

What did the horse say to the other horse? neh

I'm going to rewrite history. History.

how many dirty stinkin apes does it take to put in a lightbulb? 3 dirty stinkin apes, 1 dirty stinkin ape to put in the lightbulb and 2 dirty stinkin apes to throw feces at each other

What's the difference between dead babies and punching bag? No one makes jokes about punching bags.

A barman walks into a bar. He works there.

What do you call a baby that got hit by a train? Thomas

What's green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

A man agreed with a camel. The camel didn't agree. ... (This joke does only make sense in the Dutch language.)

Why didn't the magician pull a rabbit from a hat? Despite his choice of occupation, magic tricks are rarely appropriate in hostage situations.

Roses are red Violets are blue I am adopted And so are you

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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