Goats are like mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm afraid of toasters.

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why did the chef go to jail? because he was caught beating an egg

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Miss Jones has 10 apples on her desk. Billy takes half of them away and runs. What does Miss Jones have? 5 apples and a complaint filed for smacking Billy with a ruler.

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Your momma's so ugly she adopted you because she had a problem attracting men.

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What do you say to a man who just gave you a million dollars. thank you

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what do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Bob

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Q: Why cant dinosaurs talk A: Because they are dead.

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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women sitting on a bench quietly. they have no ability to speak.

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Have you seen stevie wonders house? Nope... Neither has he

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a 12 year eld Maxican girl is aksed to spell the werd newmonia she gets it rite and wins the spalling beef which makes me sad bcuz English is my forst langage and i still dont get it and im 25

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Q - Why did the boy die? A - He had AIDS because his father raped him.

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A frog found a smoking cigarette on the road, so he/she takes it, smokes it, and explodes.

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what does a gorilla do when it sleeps. it snores.

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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? One's a black man and one's a pizza.

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Whats 9 + 10 19

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What’s brown, sticky and smells like poo? Shit!!

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Skittles are tasteless. Why? You can't taste the rainbow.

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Wanna hear a Harry Potter joke? Knock Knock Who's there? You know You know who?

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Animal

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? It doesn't matter because the deaf man couldn't hear him.

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Why did the window break? I threw a pig out it.

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Woah again Nero, you are so wise... I love you, I really do. If someone can and has already changed the world for the better, its you. No wonder people believe you have superhuman abilities, I used to think so too, but I think I understand what humans can do on another level now, you did that, thank you.

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A jew, a black man, a muslim, an atheist, a christian, a catholic, a roman, a russian, a cuban, an english man, a horse, a cow boy, a gay, a lesbian, a dancer, a teacher, a father, a mayor, a politician and a fish are in a bar. Now that's one crowded bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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