How long does it take to cook a baby in the microwave? I don't know, I was too busy jacking off.

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Your mama is so fat... she really should go on a diet.

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Knock,Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?

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What is even bigger than an elephant? A gi-ant! (Wait you did say an anty joke right!?)

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Q:Why did the dog jump over the fence A:Because he could

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How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? 10 because they're so darn stupid!

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Why was the boy confused? Because somebody had been running around in circles around him and throwing plastic cups at his face.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Hey hey what did the bald man say to brian moccia? lOL!

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How Long is a Chinese name.

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Whats the fastest way to a man's heart?? Saw through his breastplate.

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What do you call a pencil made entirely of steel? I dont know, i dont name my pencils.

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A man and his wife are walking home from a lovely evening at the movies when suddenly a masked man jumps from the bushes demanding a pad and pen, his mother just got a new phone number and he suffers from short term memory loss.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate flowers and am making fun of them by messing up this originally beautiful poem about those repulsive manisfestations of pure evil.

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what did max say to shelby? I hate black people.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was dead and therefore unable to escape the Chick fil A bag it was being carried in.

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Where do you find your quadriplegic dog? Right where you left it.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Whats skinny, round, tall, smells like a dead baby, hard, small, and fat? nothing

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What's big, white and will killl you if it falls out of a tree? A polar bear.

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why is billy g is really supid because he gets bad grades

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What did Helen Keller say to her eye doctor? Nothing, she is incapable of speech.

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What has five balls and hates Mexicans? The lottery.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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