What did the cat say at his mother's funeral? Nothing. He was too grief stricken over the loss of his beloved guardian.

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

A zebra walks into bar, the surrounding customers in the bar become very intrigued why this exotic creature has wandered from Africa into New york. Before they can come to a concluson animal control opens fire on the creature, splatering its organs onto the tables. This event ruined the night for most customers and they fileout of the bar calmly but sad

What's worse than a papercut? Dying

What do you call a Chineses filled with bus?

How do you cure aids? Jonathon siezed to care as he proceeded to cry when he was told his lemons were over the weight of what he'd expected

What's big and grey and can't climb trees? A car park.

What are the two words that once you hear, You will feel a sudden gush of euphoria followed by immense depression? The Game

A blonde is locked in a super-market. She dies.

what do you call a black guy african american

Q: What did the boy with no arms or lags get for christmas? A: He dosent now he cant open them.

What's worse than walking into a lampost? Your seven year old child accidentally finding and watching a sex tape that you made years ago.

i like my coffee like i like my women. without a penis.

A dyslexic walks into church and asks the priest. "Father is there a dog."

Why are all the dinosaurs extinct? Because you touch yourself at night,

What's worse than a bruise in your knee? A bruise in your other knee. And what is worse than that? The Holocaust. And what is worse than that? A second Holocaust, much bigger, with much more casualties.

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are on a plane. The plan is carrying too much weight, and is destined to crash. They drop the luggage, but there is still too much weight on board. They drop the secondary engine, but there is still too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

I got pissed off at my little brother... So I threw him out of the window.

What did one door say to the other door? - Nothing, doors can't talk

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am white and I like cold food

What's the difference between a black man and a park seat? A park seat can support a family

What did Jesus say when he walked on water? I'm drowning

Why did the woman fall off her bike? She got hit by a car door

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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