Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead.

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Once upon a time there was a very lonely man. He was kind, strong, handsome, smart, and basically everything that was good and that a girl wanted. Well, one day, through all his immense loneliness, he decided that it was time that he got into a relationship. Knowing that he deserved a competent and pure woman, he went to a local church to search for his perfect match. That night, he took home with him the most beautiful and purest of all the women in the church, brought her to his room, and whipped out his junk on her face.

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Rebecca Black's new album.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman gets off the bus and files a complaint with the public transit system and the driver loses his job.

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what did max say to shelby? I hate black people.

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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what do you call a black man flying a plane? a pilot you racist.

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Did you hear about the one with the priest, the boy, and the dildo? Yes, sadly I have.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

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Dude, you're never going to guess how stupid my friend Philip is! Really? What did he do?? Nothing. Philip will be attending the prestigious Princeton University next year and is therefore an incredibly intelligent human-being. You're an idiot for believing me.

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if i'm white and you're white, then who took my car keys?

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's the postman, I have a package you need to sign for.

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What's sadder than the Holocaust? Not a lot of things because it was probably one of the most depressing series of events that happened in the 20th Century.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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How did the leukemia patient die? He was shot in the leg repeatedly until he died of blood loss.

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"Hey look, mommy! I'm a whale!" (child proceeds to pull a shotgun and create a blowhole in his head)

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Why did the pilot crash the plane? It was a tomato.

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? They may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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What's bad for your teeth? A brick

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? Nothing. He was Jewish.

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Why couldn't Prince William go to the party? Because his WIFE bought tickets to the f**cking ballet.

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What do you call a three legged man? Horribly deformed

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Why did the murderer buy a lizard? He thought that they were cute.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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