Your mother is so fat that she wears xxxL clothing

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How do you kill a blonde? Stab her.

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What's bad for your teeth? A brick

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why cant the black guy vote? because hes not 18 yet.

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

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What's funnier than 24? 25.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The pizza guy. Your pizza's here.

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What did one terrorist say to another? You first.

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If you live in the 'living' room, what do you do in the others? You die.

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That's as gay as AIDS.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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I like turtoes.

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Whats green and tasty? Snot

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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A homeless man is hungry. He then kills a college professor and has a nice dinner

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What do you call a group of homosexuals placing an order at McDonalds? Gay

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What did the priest say to the child.... nothing he just gripped his arm tightly and pulled down his pant

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When life hands you lemons hand them back because you don't like lemons

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what did the penguin say to the dodo bird. nothing because dodo birds have bin extinct for thousands of years and it is highly unlikely for a dodo bird to be saying anything to a penguin do to the fact they wouldn't be anywhere near each other and neither species can speak.

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A man and his wife are walking home from a lovely evening at the movies when suddenly a masked man jumps from the bushes demanding a pad and pen, his mother just got a new phone number and he suffers from short term memory loss.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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Knock knock whos there? me oh, cool... well come in.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate flowers and am making fun of them by messing up this originally beautiful poem about those repulsive manisfestations of pure evil.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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