Why did the pilot crash the plane? It was a tomato.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Q: How many cows does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Infinite, cows do not have thumbs, in fact, they have hooves. This disables them from holding any large objects without the use of their mouthes.

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Women are like puzzles. Because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't

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so a baby seal walks into a club...

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Why did the murderer buy a lizard? He thought that they were cute.

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A kid walks into a shop and asks the shopkeeper for a loaf of bread. The shopkeeper says, "White, wholemeal or multigrain?". The kid replies, "No thanks. My bike's outside".

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. The brunette and the redhead escape, but the blonde is captured. Why? Because she had a prosthetic leg sustained from a previous injury, and thus couldn't run very fast.

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A man sees a hitchhiker on a road. The man crashes because he was not watching the road.

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How did the little boy break his arm? He was trampleed by elephants.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for chrismas? cancer

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What did the priest say to the child.... nothing he just gripped his arm tightly and pulled down his pant

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing. I lied about the deer.

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Your eye color is very unique.

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what did the pregnant mexiCAN woMAN say while she was giving birth? A LOT of curse words

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what did the little girl find when she opened the freezer in her basement? food.

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what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

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A horse walks into a bar... Horses are not indigenous to China.

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody because a sponge is not a who, it is a what.

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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