Why did the monkey fall out the tree? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

whats silver and cries? a coin, although it can't cry because its a coin. So it's just silver

thumb_up thumb_down +28

"The lack of a punch line is the punch line" Oh

thumb_up thumb_down +24

knock knock who's there ? dogs dogs who? phone

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's the difference between a red cube and a green cube? Nothing, I'm color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Noses are red, pilots are blue I am dyxslexic boo who

thumb_up thumb_down +14

person 1 - what's big, green and ugly? person 2 - don't know. what's big, green and ugly? person 1 - nothing is

thumb_up thumb_down +8

two muffins were in an oven. one muffin says, "gee, its hot in here." the other one says, "AH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How much does a polar bear weigh? Around a thousand pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Are you from Tennessee? cuz i wanna makeout with your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman... They all died in a horrible train wreck.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Typically only one, though more may be required under extreme conditions.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

69.9

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a muslim with an RPG? Holy Shiite

thumb_up thumb_down

Rich merchant started build a new bigger home for his family. He bought good blueprints and hired some construction workers to build it up. It took 2 years for the house to finish. Just few days before moving in, he had an horrible nightmare where little green men set the house on fire. When he woke up, he heard the bad news. House was burned down during the night. Merchant was shocked and sad. After couple of weeks, he decided to build a new house. This time a smaller one. Again he bought blueprints and hired people to work for him. Almost a year later, the house was starting to be finished. And again he saw that nightmare of little green men burning the house down. At morning he already knew the news and started to investigate these happenings. Local police officer couldn't help him and so didn't anyone else he asked. Merchant decided to try once more to build new home. This time he had money only for a small farmhouse. Building it up last 6 months, and almost every night merchant was guarding the construction site for little green men. Farmhouse finished in time and merchant moved in. In couple weeks he started to relax and think that little green men stopped harassing him. At one night, couple of months after moving in. Merchant saw the nightmare again, and woke up in burning house. He escaped from the window and saved his wife and children. Then he ran to the village to call for help. The next morning, merchant was sitting next to his burned home and just thinking the motives for green men, what did he do in past so that green men were angry at him? Some villagers had come to watch the burned house and merchant saw something green in middle of the crowd. He slowly walked towards the crowd and saw this little man fleeing. He started to pursue this man and was pumped with adrealine. Didn't last long when merchant catched this little guy and held him in the ground to ask "Who are you? Do you have anything to do with those housefires?" The little green man was calm and relaxed as he answered "No."

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A man walks into a bar and slowly draws a pistol and kills 5 people.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

give my joke a thumbs up Please!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

a little boy told his friend he failed a test.. the friend replied that his parents r goin to kill him... to save himself the suffering ...the boy hung himself in his closet

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

hrih

thumb_up thumb_down -22

whats the hardest part of roller skating. Telling your dad that you are gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods They both have beards... EXCEPT FOR TIGER WOODS.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

What's the difference between your mom and a toaster? A toaster won't period in your cereal bowl.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Q. why can't hellen keller drive? A. because she is dead

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops