A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer...and the other is a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How do you fit 76 babies in a bath tub... With a blender. How do you get them back out? With tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

why did rosa parks get moved to the back of the bus? she didnt call shotgun

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A german walks into a London Pub. He turns to the man on his left and says, " Hallo Kolleginnen und dort bar Mäzen. Ich bin gespannt zu sehen, ob wir eine Beziehung herzustellen, wie ich gesucht Gespräch, als ich in der wunderbaren Kultur, die London zu bieten hat. Ist das in Ordnung mit dir? Heil Hitler"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you think 3 black men want when the come and knock on your car window? They just want directions.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What does little Tommy and a tomato have in common? They are both vegetables. Oh wait, a tomato is a fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Pacient: Doctor Doctor i think im becoming a vegetable... because of my heriditory bone marrow mutation

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the black 10 year old miss school? Because his grandmother just had a severe heart attack and the whole family is coming in to visit and pay their last respects.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A baseball, bat, and a glove.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man is walking in a bar and then leaves once he gets his drink

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what happens when you throw a rock in the water? it gets wet

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How many republicans does it take to raise the debt ceiling? Technically, none, as the president has the right to do this based on the 14th amendment.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

The doctor woke up and the hooker he screwed told him she had the clap and he said thats the least of your problms bitch you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's clear, glass-like, and makes your brain feel like it's exploding just by smelling it? Crystal Meth

thumb_up thumb_down -20

a chicken walks into a bar and gets drunk. the locals then proceed to tell the police because the chicken was harrassing people after he got drunk

thumb_up thumb_down -20

knock knock come in!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Noideer! No.Blind What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still Noideer! No, it's basically dead

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a dear with no eyes. A mutilated dear.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what happens when chuck norris does a push up. he pushes himself up

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops