Why coulden't the fish swim? He got poked in the eye with my nipple. My nipples get really big when I'm swimming in cold water.

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Are you from Tennessee? cuz i wanna makeout with your face.

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Why did the fireman wear suspenders? To keep his pants up.

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To be honest that sounds like more of a mental health issue and not something I'm qualified to deal with as a GP. Let me refer you.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.

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Why did the boy cry? Because he was mercilessly beaten by his mother.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like you landed on your face.

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A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

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Why did the chess grandmaster lose his mind? Because he died of old age.

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a man cries out to god.... and god does't reply.

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What's the difference between an orange? Mooses don't like to wear sweater-vests.

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a jew throwing a dime into a wishing well.

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What did the nurse say to the doctor? Boo-hoo, i was pranked over the phone, i'm gonna kill myself now.

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What is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The part where she doesn't have a penis. I know, I know, the no-penis thing looks weird and strange, but hear me out. I think it's kind of cute and quirky. Like, oops, there's something that's supposed to be there, but isn't.

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Why didn't Betty ride her bike to school? She had no legs.

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Whats worse than contracting H.I.V.? nothing

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A man walks around a bar.

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you.

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-rick:hey wut happens wen i pull this pin -jerry:rick no!!!!! rick then starts to cry as he remembers the tragic accident that caused his friends death,which rick caused

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knock! knock! who's there? mom mom who? your mom... your girlfriend just died in a car accident while carrying you baby...

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Knock knock Who's there? A friend. But I don't have any friends.

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What do you call a boy that fell off a ferry? Extremely unlucky, since one of the other passengers noticed and the captain turned the ferry around, threw him a ladder, and pulled him aboard. Also he died of hepatitis because his mother was too poor to afford condoms, so he was born with it.

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What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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What is white, and hurts when it falls from a tree? -tom

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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