My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really... She was attacked by a giant crab.

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Q:How many doorknobs should you throw at a police man? A:None you should have upmost respect for the law.

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What do you call an animal who is purple and feeds on grass? Well his name is Timmy, he is a 6 year old boy and has been diagnosed with a rare deadly disease that turns his skin purple and has removed him so far from reality that he has begin to feed on his front lawn.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was recently released from prison for violent crimes.

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What did the small baby faucet say to the daddy faucet? Nothing, they are inanimate objects and cannot talk.

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What did the deaf Jewish Rabbi say to the Italian Priest. What?

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Knock knock Who's there? A friend. But I don't have any friends.

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A blonde walks into a library. "PLEASE CAN I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER?!" he shouts at the top of his lungs. "Sir, this is a library," the librarian says. "Oh, sorry," he whispers and goes to McDonald's Two years of the routine and he dies of of heart failure and has diabetes.

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Once there was two fish in a tank, and one said "how do you drive this thing?".

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A crazy priest squats down and poops in the middle of the church... nobody understood what was going so they pointed and laughed.

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Yo mammas so fat she went on a diet.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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what's funnier than 1 Mecican? 2 Mexicans

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Why do people discriminate against black people? Because they show an undeserving amount of disrespect towards the rest of the world and why should they get anything better than what they offer.

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What is the difference between muffins and cornbread? I don't enjoy sticking cornbread in my anus.

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A man walks into a bar... and watches the Monday Night Football game with his pals.

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Susie is 14 & she never listens to her mom, why is that? She's deaf.

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what is the difference of a duck..... it neither wears tie.....

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a jew throwing a dime into a wishing well.

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Wat do you do when you see aomeone bleeding on the ground? Walk away and act like nothing happened

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Knock, knock. Who's there? John. Oh, hey! Come in.

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If you helped Jack on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? Of course; if he was too short to climb onto the saddle then it would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous not to help him off. As his riding instructor, you would be liable for any injuries Jack sustained had he attempted to dismount the horse with no assistance.

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Whats red and cant fly a plane. An apple.

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you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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