What did Justin Bieber get for Christmas? An iPod Touch and a few nice sweaters.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Were your parents drunk when they named you?

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A man walks into a bar said man is escorted out of said bar said man may have died from a serious case of alcohol poisoning whilst in said bar he was escorted as dead people have trouble moving of their own accord experts discovered later that the man had actually been brutaly beaten by another man wielding a bar stool this shows that experts are not very smart

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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Why did the boy go swimming in the ocean? He didn't. the current pulled him in and he drowned.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead baby's and a Cadillac? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage...

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Why did i write this joke knowing i wont get published? I don't know.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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That joke was so funny that I fell off my dinosaur. Then afterwards had to be put in a rehabilitation center because I am schizophrenic and dinosaurs are extinct.

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Where do farmers retire their used farm equipment? The tree in their backyard.

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A Woman out of the kitchen

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What's worse than women's rights? Actually, not much, because women throughout history suffered for too long the hardships of over dominant male figures and deserve the freedoms they have achieved today.

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What did the republican say to the democrat? You suck!

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What did the priest do when he noticed the young boy bent over picking up crayons he had dropped? He helped him pick them up

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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What do you get when you cross Chuck Norris with a Cheetah? A yellow Chuck Norris with black spots.

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What did the duck say to the man? Nothing. Ducks cannot talk.

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What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

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What's worse than one bee sting? 2 bee stings

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What do you call a pig with no arms? A pig, pigs don't have arms

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Where do you find your quadriplegic dog? Right where you left it.

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what did luke say to darth vader? Can i borrow ur car please.

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You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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