make me a sandwich!

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Where do you put a black jew? In the back of the.... oh wait i have never seen a black jew before.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -117

What did the phone say to the telephone? I can't connect with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -153

Wat do you do when you see aomeone bleeding on the ground? Walk away and act like nothing happened

thumb_up thumb_down -163

What kind of cookies does a pedophile order from the girl scouts? Samoas...pedophiles love coconut.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

America Votes

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What did the furnace say to the Jew? Nothing, as it is an inanimate object and cannot communicate.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q-- Why did the boy stop playing football? A -- He had to go for his tea

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Yo mamma is so pretty, she is frequently complimented on her good looks.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the old lady hard of hearing? She spent many of her young days blasting hard rock from her speakers/

thumb_up thumb_down +10

(Man #1): Do you know how I know you're gay? (Man #2): How? (Man #1) When I kiss you, you kiss me back...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

how do you get expelled? Rape a special ed kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the rose look so brown? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a guy with newmonya? Not good at spelling

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How many days did abraham lincoln take a crap for? Turquoise because pancakes cannot fly without wings during the summer unless giraffes smell pineapple on tuesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What made parashoot paint's so uncool? MC Hammer.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple Not the holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Three nuns accidentally walked in to a bar and so they immediately went out.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

So a Jewish man walks into a bar, You think Jesus being all knowing would have realized it was there.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops