Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

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Duke: Hi Sally: Hello Duke: Nice weather huh? Sally: I couldn't tell ya duke, I'm not a meteorologist.

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What's funnier than House? Family Guy.

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guy 1... "do you no any funny jokes?" guy2 ..."no" guy1 ..."same"

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What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink? What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink?

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(Q) Why did the little boy cross the road? (A) To get to the police officer. (Q) Why did the little boy need the police officer? (A) because he was raped.

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What was the biggest turning point during Michael Vick's transformation from despised felon to MVP candidate? He stopped killing dogs.

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what did the duck say to the chicken .nothing

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A guy and a girl had sex, it was casual.

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What happened to the blonde that died her hair brown? Her hair turned brown.

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Did you see that picture of Helen Keller's dad? Yes. She didn't.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Your landlord. I'm here to collect rent

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What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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Ted Haggard.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He gets extremely drunk and gets hit by a train.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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What do the Holocaust and baseball have in common? They are sports, except the Holocaust.

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Why did the fat man fall faster than the skinny man? He didn't. Masses does not affect the speed of falling objects. Everything with mass and volume falls with an acceleration of 9.81m/s^2 on Earth. Therefore the greater mass of the heavier man did not affect his falling speed. Both men fell at the same speed.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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what is brown with wheels? a potatoe, i was just kidding about the wheels

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A Woman out of the kitchen

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A quadrapeldgic walks no where

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Your mommas so fat that she may die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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