What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Why do black people eat watermelon? It is a good source of vitamin C.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Q: What's the difference between an African American and a bench? A: An African American is a human being of black dissent, while a bench is an inanimate object that people sit on.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Ow, there's an arrow in my knee!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's black and not working? An old, broken piano.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's the difference between a white man and a black man? Nothing. They are both created in God's image and likeness so get your mind outta the gutter!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Jack and Jill go up the hill? To get to their house.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the fat man fall faster than the skinny man? He didn't. Masses does not affect the speed of falling objects. Everything with mass and volume falls with an acceleration of 9.81m/s^2 on Earth. Therefore the greater mass of the heavier man did not affect his falling speed. Both men fell at the same speed.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did one muffin in the oven say to the other muffin Nothing food doesn't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

I Wish... I was Charlie Sheen's Dealer

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the man fall of his bike? He was struck with a falling koala. Why did the fish fall of its bike? Because it's a fish. What is fuzzy and might kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

What was the biggest turning point during Michael Vick's transformation from despised felon to MVP candidate? He stopped killing dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

What's the biggest difference between the East and West Coast? About 3,000 miles.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for at least 3 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Q: What do a dildo salesman and a car salesman have in common? A: They are both salesman

thumb_up thumb_down +41

I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Knock Know Who's there Interrupting ghost Interu--BOO!!! Ha HA!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops