Why was little Timmy so fast? Because he's tied up in the trunk of a speeding car.

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-Will you follow the live coverage of 86th Acacemy Awards? -No. -Are you anti-semitic?

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Hitler walks up to a little girl at a concentration camp: - How old are you? - I'm turning 7 tomorrow! - Nope.

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What is worse than Shaq's free throw percentage? The free throw percentages of Reggie Evans, Bo Outlaw, Andris Biedrins, Wilt Chamberlain, Chris Dudley and Ben Wallace.

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What did the depressed girl say to her mother? I cut my wrists

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What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

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Koalas mum is a slut

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to fix a lightbulb? Lets go ride bikes.

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Why did the police officer pull over a black guy? He was going over the appropriate speed limit for that area.

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Why did Timmy stay home on the day of the big test at the public school? He was homeschooled

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What do men like most of all? Let's not lie, BOOBIES!

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When time is the best time to make a wish during the day? 9:11

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What's brown and rhymes with poop? Dr. Dre.

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Teacher- What comes after 69 Boy- Mouthwash?? Teacher- LEAVE!

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How do you make someone laugh at a funeral? Laughing gas How do you make someone cry at a birthday party? Tear gas How do you make someone high at a wedding? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - There are many ways to get high in a wedding. Gas is not the only option.

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Why was the Tyrannosaurus Rex such an aggressive animal? it had short arms so it could not masturbate.

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What has potential but is in fact disappointing? This joke.

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Why are there so many black men in the NBA? Because they trained hard and practiced regularly to get there..

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Roses are red violets are blue I am in 301 Club and so are you.

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i'm filthy rich literally because money is dirty

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What did michael say to sam? (pedo face) YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What did the snowman say when winter was ending? -Nothing you dumbass

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Why did the chicken help people across the road all day? Because after past experiences the chicken decided to become a lollypop chicken and help people nit make the mistakes he did

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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