Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a gun and he'll build you a refrigerator.

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What's the difference between mw2 and mw3? Nothing

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What couldn't the Asian drive? Because he had just gotten laser eye surgery, and the doctor recommended that he didn't drive for a few days.

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Ask me how old my cat is. How old's your cat? I don't know.

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It's a meaningless question because animals had been creating eggs for millions of years before chickens ever evolved.

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Q: why did the boy cross the road A: because he was being chased by a pedophile

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Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

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How did the square become a circle? Due to the period of recession in our nation, it was found necessary to cut corners.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

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What's red and green and goes 100 mph? A car that is driving recklessly and happens to have a Christmas paint scheme.

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A man and his family walk into a talent agent's office. The man proceeds to sexually accost his wife and children. The agent calls security who escort the family out and helps the wife find a domestic violence shelter to stay at.

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A Man goes into a watch store. Why? To buy a watch

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Q: why are kittens so cute? A: because god created them that way. go fourth and enjoy kittens.

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What's the difference between me and a dead baby? I'm not dead, or a baby. I am well into my teens and very healthy.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Why did the chiken cross the road. Anwer: because it was being chased by a crazy horny/ kinky redneck.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 4 beers. The bartender replies, "One at a time, mate, will that work for you?" To which the man replies, "No", leaves, and drives his 1994 Toyota Corolla off of the road into the pit of a volcano.

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what has green paint and flies? a garbage truck

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Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

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Three nuns accidentally walked in to a bar and so they immediately went out.

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make me a sandwich!

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A man is sitting on a bench in a park crying a man walking by asks why he's crying, and the man answers that he has no idea why he's crying

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How come the black man couldn't be seen on film? He could be seen on film, he's not a vampire.

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Q: What's the difference between an African American and a bench? A: An African American is a human being of black dissent, while a bench is an inanimate object that people sit on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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