John had 32 candy bars. He ate 28 of them. What does John have now? daibetes, john has diabetes.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

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A man walked in a bar had 4 drinks and walked home because drunk driving is dangerous

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A black man and a hispanic man are riding in a car. Who's driving? The hispanic man

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how many indians does it take to screw in a light bulb? one if it can reach 2 if it's high.One to screw in the bulb the other to hold the ladder.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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Two blondes are walking down the street. One breaks her left high heel and the other is called Monica.

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Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

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Why did the aeroplane engine fallon the house? Because of Donnie Darko

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What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

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A quadrapeldgic walks no where

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What couldn't the Asian drive? Because he had just gotten laser eye surgery, and the doctor recommended that he didn't drive for a few days.

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What happens when you throw a cricket bat at a blonde? She is hurt and reports you to the police for anti-social behaviour.

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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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You just threw a fireman and a baby out of a skyscraper... who arrived earth first? Adam and Eve. Moral: Because theology is bullshit.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He gets extremely drunk and gets hit by a train.

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Three nuns accidentally walked in to a bar and so they immediately went out.

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What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The spelling errors on anti-jokes.com

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother?

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the man fall of his bike? He was struck with a falling koala. Why did the fish fall of its bike? Because it's a fish. What is fuzzy and might kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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