How do you get a horse to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick.

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Did you hear about the 2 pretzels walking down the street? It's not true, pretzels are not capable of autonomous movement.

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A Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. They end up getting into a heated argument. After about an hour of back and forth they decide that each person has a valid point, agree to disagree, and go about there business.

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What do you call a man with no arms? A: A Man with no arms.

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Do you knpow why Michael Jackson is not dead? Dumbass, he IS dead...

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Fathers Day at Tyrone's house.

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Hey can you turn Tmartn upI can't hear him

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What do you call a limbless woman on a beach? Sandy

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A man walks into a haunted house and screams. He had arrows on a nail.

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My wife told me that I should see things from a woman's point of view. So I looked out the kitchen window.

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Yeah i'm into fitness, Fitness whole pizza in my mouth.

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Why is a T-shirt like a topaz statue of the Archangel Gabriel? They both start with 'T'.

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What did the boy ask the ice cream man? Can I have some ice cream?

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What color do you get when you mix aquamarine with magenta? Transvestite.

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A Serbian Film

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Why did Stephen get an A on his test? He held his teacher at gunpoint and forced her to give him a good grade despite the fact he got an F.

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- Why the black people smell? - To let even the blind person hate them.

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Thumbs up if you're reading this in 2015!

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Woman are equal and deserve respect just kidding they should suck my ****

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Girlfriend: OMG! what could be worst than you cheating on me? Holocaust

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Gotta go Mark Gotta go Mark MARK MARKMARKMARK! Moving at the speed of mark I'm the quickest mark around Got ourselves a mark Start getting a new mark Without any mark On top of mark! Go- Go- Go- Don't mark Don't mark Just markmarkmarkmark! mark, he's on the run mark, he's number one mark, he's coming next so watch out for mark X! Gotta go mark, gotta go mark mark mark markmarkmark Go go go go go go go go go! marrrrrkkk X!!

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Wanna hear a joke? that disabled guy who wants to climb mount everest.

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A: go away. B: No i won't A: Shutup B: Yes i will not go away A: again, shutup B: I left A: Thank you B: Your welcom A: Thank you for saying your welcome B: Thank you for saying thank you that i'm welcome A: Thank you for saying thank you for saying that I thank you that you're welcome.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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