Knock knock Who's there? Me Me who? Just me

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Why did the man jump out of the plane? Because the plane was losing fuel fast so he grabbed a parachute and went for it and realized that was the only one left so everyone died a horrible death.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, I am Colorblind...FML

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Why was the man scared? Because he was being attacked by a giant tiger.

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How do you have problems paying your monthly mortgage if you live in a box emmanuel

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How do you make a baby float? Two scopes of Ice cream and two scopes of baby.....and the holocaust.

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What happens when a black man is alone the KKK appears

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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Did the owl ever reach the middle of the tootsie pop? Yes. Dreams do come true

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What starts with F and ends in UCK? Firetruck. What starts with P and ends in ORN? Popcorn. What starts with S and ends in HIT? Shit.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor! why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. why did the farmer cross the road? To get his chicken. Why didnt the farmer make it to the other side? He was hit by his tractor.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was involved in a homicide at the Children's Hospital resulting in death row right away and the killing of 12 other numbers

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black people

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Latvia isn't a joke

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Elizabeth Warren

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Waiter. there's a fly in my soup! I apologize, I'll bring you a new one immediately.

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just a man and his thoughts....and a smart phone app, and a loving family, thats not the point.

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name one thing that is impossible!! A sober irishman

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What happened the homeless guy's home? A meteor fell on it.

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why couldnt the black man fly, becuse his master said he coudnt.

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Why couldn't the cat drink the milk? Because it had no face.

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Why did the baby stop crying? I hit him with a brick.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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