How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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What do you get when you mix a dog and a cow blood everywhere

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How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? He showed no vital signs.

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A Man goes into a watch store. Why? To buy a watch

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Whats worse than the holocaust? A n a l

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Why did the fat man fall faster than the skinny man? He didn't. Masses does not affect the speed of falling objects. Everything with mass and volume falls with an acceleration of 9.81m/s^2 on Earth. Therefore the greater mass of the heavier man did not affect his falling speed. Both men fell at the same speed.

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Q: How did that man get two black eyes? A: He was born!

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these jokes are terrible, even for anti-jokes

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a sludge hammer, the other is a watermelon

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make me a sandwich!

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What couldn't the Asian drive? Because he had just gotten laser eye surgery, and the doctor recommended that he didn't drive for a few days.

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What did Little Timmy say when his house fell down? I'm not sure but that sounds like a very sad event that I hope to never encounter in my personal experiences.

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What's 6 inches long, held in your hand, and has a round tip? A pencil you pervert.

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what's blue and white and red all over? -nothing the "red all over" part implies a contradiction to blue and white.

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poop.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, Zebras.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse doesn't reply because horse can't talk.

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer was arrested by the ASPCA and PETA for letting the chicken run free near a horribly busy road

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What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? The lighbulb isn't also dying of terminal cancer.

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist!

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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A man walks into a bar. It hurt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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