What is the difference between a dead baby and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

When is a door not a door? Never.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Recycling anti-jokes

what did the lesbian do with the other lesbian? played badminton

Knock Knock! Who's there? It's Jim. Jim who? I'm your son, Jim. Are you losing your memory?

This sentence is a lie.

Q: Whats black and white and red all over? A: I am unsure for I am color blind.

What do you say to an over weight Jewish mother? "Work on those crunches" He was her coach.

Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because there were no cars coming

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

What did the tourist in Africa get? AIDS

What did everyone call the ginger kid? Jimmy as that was his name...

Q: What do you call a barn full of black people? A: Antique farm equipment.

Why was the women's underwear red?... Because she got stabbed.

how does a chinese chick check if she's pregnant? swallows a rubix cube and if it comes out solved shes pregnant

What is worse than blue balls? Green Balls.

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was struck by lightning and died.

What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

What do you call a New Zealander with 1000 lovers? A shepard

Want to hear a joke? Me too.

Did you hear the one about the streetlight? It only came on at night.

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

Jerry Sandusky walks up to the reception desk at a day care center. What does the lady at the desk say? Nothing, she promptly gives Mr. Sandusky his son and they leave.

Gotta disappoint you there, you see there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar organizations which work for the government, and those I work for are black ops, meaning that I would be putting my life in danger if I told you anything about it besides that fact. Its not listed anywhere, its not FBI, its not legislated by any government yet many governments invest their funds there, you could call it something like the interpool, and something like the underground society, except its multi-government driven... A term I sincerely do not fully understand myself, I have certain talents I put to use, but I lack the education in order to be more than a employee for these people.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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